Communication Before and After an Open Adoption

When it comes to adopting a child, adoptive parents and birthparents want only what’s best for their child. This is why healthy, ongoing communication is so important in open and semi-open adoptions.  When you have a healthy relationship with a birthmother, your child will flourish. Here are some tips on how to maintain a healthy communication before and after an open adoption.

Communication Before the Adoption

Every adoption creates a unique partnership, and every partnership requires communication and openness.

  • Before the adoption, it’s a good idea to communicate with a birthmother regularly throughout her pregnancy. This is the only way to get to know each other better and form a healthy relationship you can continue to build upon after the adoption.
  • Respect her wishes and talk to her about the level of openness you’re both comfortable with. During your first meeting, try to talk about your common interests, but avoid personal questions. This is the time to get to know her as much as possible, and present yourself to her. Relationships flourish over the time, so try to keep that in mind.
  • Talk to her about the methods of communication that work best for all involved. Maybe you would like to talk to her in person, via text, via email, or via social media
  • Try to arrange as many things as you can with a birthmother before the adoption. Create an adoption plan and talk to her about her desired hospital and birth plan. This way you can avoid unwanted surprises during the adoption process. Open adoption allows you to arrange things with a birthmother in a way that suits you both.
Communication After the Adoption
  • After the adoption, show your birthmother that you want her to be a part of your life. A thoughtful gift, such as a piece of jewelry, a framed photo, or some other keepsake, is a nice way to show that you care and appreciate her precious and selfless gift.
  • Always keep your promises to her and honor your side of the adoption agreement completely.
  • Another great way to maintain communication in an open adoption is to create a website or a blog of updates about the child and share it with your birthmother.
  • Remember that open adoption is all about communication. The relationship between adoptive parents and a birthmother changes and evolves over the time, so it’s important to be open to change. If she wants to visit the child more or less often, you will have to think about how this is going to affect you and your child.


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